Forty-One and Waiting

I built a smile they call a blessing

I learned the words they want to hear

On Sunday mornings I’m the strong one

But Monday nights it’s crystal clear

The silence echoes in my bedroom

Like questions hanging in the air

They say I shine like I’ve been chosen

But I feel lost inside the prayer

I fought the dark for twenty years

Came out alive, still carrying fears

If this is freedom, why does it sting?

Why does my heart still ache for something?

I’m forty-one and waiting

For arms that feel like home

Tired of being patient

Tired of sleeping alone

God, I believe You hear me

But some nights faith feels thin

I don’t wanna die

I just don’t wanna feel this again

They’re building lives and posting pictures

With little hands and wedding rings

I’m standing in between the chapters

Still praying for the missing piece

I laugh with kids who call me brother

I feel alive, I feel okay

But when the music fades to nothing

The empty room is where I stay

I know comparison’s a thief

But it keeps breaking into me

If You spoke promises out loud

Why do I still question now?

I’m forty-one and waiting

For love that doesn’t leave

Trying to be courageous

Trying to still believe

God, I know You saved me

Pulled me from the deep

I don’t wanna die

I just don’t wanna feel this empty

Maybe I’m not behind

Maybe I’m just becoming

Maybe this lonely road

Is shaping who I’m meant to be

If You’re still writing lines

Don’t let this chapter close on me

I’m forty-one and breathing

Still standing in Your light

Learning that healing

Doesn’t mean I’ll never fight

I’m not a fraud, just human

Still learning how to win

I don’t wanna die

I just wanna let somebody in

So if there’s love still coming

Teach my heart to wait

Not with fear of missing out

But with courage to be whole again